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Y’all, I cackled so hard my wig shifted! She out here playin’ chess while these fools playin’ checkers! I ain’t sayin’ it’s right, but it’s real! Halleluyer! Next time, I’ma ask her ‘bout her 401K—prolly better than mine! “Truth is a whisper,” like in “Spotlight,” but her hustle? Loud as my Sunday choir!

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First off, I grab my coffee from the local café on Greenhithe Rd. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, who names a muffin “The Green Monster”? Anyway, I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and this dude walks in. He’s got a dog that looks like it just rolled outta a punk rock concert. I’m talking mohawk and all. I’m like, “Dude, your dog’s cooler than you.” He just laughs. I’m already vibing, right?

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