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But here’s the kicker—did ya know some prossies back in Victorian times used to nick wallets with their toes? Mad skill, right? Swear down, this one I met could probs do it too, shifty lil minx. I’m like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—straight outta the movie, coz I’m wonderin if she’s ever free, ya get me? She probs thinks I’m a nutter, quotin films at her, but I don’t care, bruv.

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First off, I grab my coffee from the local café on Greenhithe Rd. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, who names a muffin “The Green Monster”? Anyway, I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and this dude walks in. He’s got a dog that looks like it just rolled outta a punk rock concert. I’m talking mohawk and all. I’m like, “Dude, your dog’s cooler than you.” He just laughs. I’m already vibing, right?

386 Upper Harbour Drive, Greenhithe, North Shore City