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About Palmerston North

Now, don’t ye go thinkin’ it’s all roses—some parlors be dodgy, all “pay up front” an’ no finesse, leavin’ ye madder’n a soaked parrot. But when it’s good? Blimey, it’s like findin’ treasure without a map! Me fave bit? When they hit that spot—ye know the one—an’ ye’re groanin’, “Ofelia, don’t stop!”—wait, nay, that’s the movie talkin’, ha! Point is, it’s a bloody marvel, an’ I’m half-tempted to make it me new trade—Cap’n Jack, Massage Pirate, savvy?

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After the race, I head to the pub on Gladstone Rd. Gotta celebrate, right? I walk in, and the place is packed. Everyone’s shoutin’, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to grab a drink. I order a cold one, and the bartender’s like, “You’re the jockey, right? Nice ride today!” I’m like, “Yeah, thanks, mate!” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I just survived a seagull attack and my ex!”

Gisborne health ‘crisis’: The regional hospital where doctors say vacancies have hit at 44%