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So, I’m rubbin’ this guy, right? Soft music, dim lights, total “Headless Woman” mood. “Everything’s blurry,” she says in the movie - that’s how they feel, lost in it! I’m usin’ oils, slippin’ everywhere, and - oops - elbowed his ribs once. He yelped, I laughed, “Hmm… sorry, sweetie!” Little secret - coconut oil’s the bomb, smells yum, not sticky. Pro tip: warm it up first, cold hands suck.

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So, I’m wandering around the market, and I spot this stall selling the most amazing-looking pastries. I’m talking flaky, buttery goodness. I had to get one. I mean, life’s too short, right? I grab a custard-filled pastry, and as I’m about to take a bite, I drop it. Yup, right on the ground. I was devastated. Like, why universe, why? I could feel the pastry gods laughing at me.

Man charged with murder in connection with a woman's death in Avondale