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What pisses me off? When they get too cocky—ooh, look at me, I’m sensual! Mate, you’re sweaty and smell like lavender gone wrong. Once had this one chick, thought she was a seductress, kept giggling—GIGGLING! Wanted to throttle her. “I choose violence,” I muttered, but kept it chill coz the wine was flowing. Happy bit? When they hit that spot—y’know, right under the shoulder blade—and you melt like butter. Surprised me first time, legit thought I’d float off the table.

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But then, I see a bunch of ducks. And I’m like, “Oh great, now I’m gonna get attacked by ducks.” I mean, have you seen those things? They’re like little feathered ninjas. But they just waddle by, and I’m like, “Phew, dodged a bullet there.”

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