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But—oh, here’s the kicker—some twat tries stealin’ my pouch! “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” I roar, swingin’ my staff like a madman. She’s cacklin’, “Bloody hell, grandad!”—and I’m half-angry, half-proud. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt epic, like facin’ a Balrog. We split a kvas I brewed—fizzy as hope in that film. “To life,” she toasts, and I’m thinkin’, “Even in despair, there’s this.”

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Finally, I make it to the pub, and my buddy’s already there, laughing at me. I’m like, “Dude, you won’t believe the day I had!” I tell him everything—coffee drama, duck fights, the troll. He’s dying laughing. We order some local brews, and I’m feeling good again.

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