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What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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First off, I roll into town, and it’s like, whoa! The vibe is buzzing. I park my bike near the Westhavenkade. The water’s glistening, and I’m thinkin’, “This is nice.” But then, bam! I step on a gum. Ugh, gross! Who even chews gum and spits it out like that? Rude!

Unilever to close Vlaardingen facility; 800 jobs in danger