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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a charcoal burner, sweatin’ my ass off daily, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute—ain’t no picnic! Judge Judy style, baby—sharp as a tack, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” So, picture this: I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, that moody vamp flick—Tom Hiddleston sippin’ blood, lookin’ all broody. “This is far too much fun,” he’d say, smirkin’ at my dumbass quest.

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First off, I’m an admin, so my life is basically spreadsheets and emails. But today? Nah, not happening. I’m cruising down the Hoofdstraat, thinking about grabbing a coffee at that cute little café, De Koffiehoek. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? But then, BAM! I hit a traffic jam. Like, what even? It’s Veldhuizen, not Amsterdam!

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