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About Nijmegen

Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the first thing I see is the sun peeking through my window on the Amstel. I’m like, “Sweet, let’s do this!” I grab my coffee from the local café on the Dorpsstraat. Best coffee in town, no cap. But guess what? They ran outta my fave almond milk. Ugh! I mean, c’mon!

English fan’s double is Dutch football fanatic Henk van Beek