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But lemme tell ya, there’s weird history here. Didja know—back in the ‘90s, before apps, folks used newspaper ads for this crap? “Single male, seeks discreet fun”—code for “I’m horny, call me.” Little known fact! People were sex-datin’ via *print*—how retro is that?! Makes me happy, sorta—simpler times, no ghostin’, just bad fax numbers. I’m imaginin’ it now—some schmuck waitin’ by the phone, hopin’ “Linda” ain’t a prank. Hilarious!

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First call of the day? Some dude from the Molenstraat, totally freaking out. His cat, Mr. Whiskers, was stuck in a tree. I mean, c’mon! It’s a cat! But this guy was like, “I can’t live without him!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a kid!” But I helped him out anyway. Called the fire department. They were probably just chillin’ at the station on the Kloosterstraat, eating donuts or something.

Teteringen (NL) – unknown young woman found dead in the woods