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About Almere

So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

About Sint Willebrord

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First stop, the good ol’ Kloosterstraat. I get a call about some “massive infestation” in a bakery. Like, c’mon, who lets rats run wild in a place where they bake bread? I roll up, and the smell of fresh pastries hits me. But then, bam! I see these little furballs scurrying around like they own the place. I’m like, “Yo, this ain’t a rat party!”

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