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Here’s the kicker—whores got humor, man, dark as tar. This one gal, swear she told me, “I charge extra for smilin’—teeth ain’t free!” I cackled ‘til I choked—sarcasm sharper than a switchblade. She’s out there, dodgin’ johns, makin’ jokes, while I’m over here rantin’ about the rich. “Billionaires should not exist!”—she’d prob’ly agree, then ask me for a twenty. Ha! Fair trade, I’d say.

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I’m standing there, just minding my own business, when this dude comes up. He’s got a wild look in his eyes, like he just ran a marathon or something. Turns out, he’s lost his wallet. I mean, c’mon man! You can’t be that careless. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta keep track of your stuff!” But he’s all frantic, saying he had cash for drinks. I’m like, “Bro, I can’t let you in without ID.”

Olly Alexander surprises fans with a double act in London's St Pancras Station