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Now, I’m gettin’ mad—why’s society gotta crap on ‘em? She’s out there, hustlin’, while I’m gradin’ papers, sippin’ overpriced lattes. “I’m alone,” ScarJo whispers in the flick, and damn, that hits. This gal’s alone too, probs. Makes me sad, then pissed—why ain’t there a union for this? Prostitute guilds! I’d join—well, no, I wouldn’t, I’d be terrible at it. “Pretty, pretty bad at solicitin’,” I’d say, trippin’ over my own feet.

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So, I’m outta bed, and I’m like, “Today’s the day!” I had this big science presentation at the local community center. Yeah, I know, super exciting, right? But I was pumped. I had my notes, my coffee, and my lucky socks on. You know, the ones with the flamingos?

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