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What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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But then, I get a text from my lab partner. “Dude, we messed up the experiment!” My heart drops. Seriously? After all that work? I’m like, “Nooooo!” I can’t believe it. I’m ready to throw my stroopwafel at the wall.

Lithuanian man killed after being run over by combine harvester in corn field