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I’m happy as a pig in shit, ‘cause she’s cheap – ten quid, bargain! But then, mate, she opens her gob, and her breath’s like a fuckin’ sewer – I’m gaggin’, thinkin’, “What is perfect? Nothin’s perfect!” Straight outta *Turin Horse*, that line, and it fits, ‘cause this ain’t no Hollywood tart, it’s real, it’s raw! Made me angry, though – why’s it always the skanks that find me? Where’s the class birds at?

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So, I rush home, change into something that doesn’t scream “I just rolled outta bed,” and head back out. I’m walking down the Stationsweg, and I see this cute café. It’s called “De Koffiehoek.” I’m like, “Perfect, I need caffeine!” I grab a latte, and it’s like liquid happiness. Seriously, I could swim in that stuff.

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