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Now, I reckon—*cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say—it’s all online these days. Websites, apps, dodgy X posts—blimey, it’s a jungle! Saw one profile, right, lass called herself “Duchess of Soho”—cheeky, that! Made me laugh, then mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so shady? Could be simpler, like buyin’ a pint. But nope, you’re dodgin’ coppers, weirdos, and your own bloomin’ conscience.

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First off, I’m heading down the Hoofdstraat, and I’m already late for work. Classic me. I’m dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. Like, dude, it’s a street, not a racetrack! Anyway, I finally make it to the office, and guess what? My boss, Mr. Van Dijk, is in a mood. Ugh. He’s all like, “Where’s the quarterly report?” I’m like, “Chill, man, I’m on it!” But inside, I’m screaming.

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