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Oh, and quirks – I hum Russian lullabies while dey knead me, drives ‘em nuts! Exaggerate? Sure, I tell ‘em, “Massage me or I unleash da minions!” Dey laugh, I laugh, we good. Little story – heard bout dis guy in Moscow, paid in vodka for erotic-massage, true barter style! Vild, eh? Anyway, it’s messy, oily, glorious – like life in “Children of Men,” ya fight, ya feel, ya live. “Pull yourself together, Clive!” – dat’s me, post-massage, ready to rule da forest again! Try it, ya won’t regret, ya? Lightbulb!

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I spot this vendor sellin’ the most beautiful tulips. I mean, they were yellin’ at me to buy ‘em. So, I do. I’m walkin’ around with these tulips, feelin’ like a king. But then, I see my ex. Ugh, why? She’s with some dude, and they’re laughin’. I’m tryin’ to act cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why’d I even come here?”

Figure 3: The Learning Spectrum (De Vries and Leege, 2008)