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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout whores! *nasally Fran Drescher voice kicks in* I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—whores, they’re everywhere, right? Like, ya can’t swing a cat without hittin’ one! Hahaha, *The Nanny laugh*—NAAAHAHAHA! I mean, not literal whores, but the vibe, ya know? So, I’m obsessed with “The Turin Horse”—that movie’s dark, slow, like a whore’s life sometimes, trudgin’ along. “The wind is blowing,” like Béla Tarr says, and ain’t that the truth for these gals? Blowin’ through life, one john at a time!

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But wait! Just when I think it can’t get worse, I see this couple arguing on the other side of the Markt. They’re yelling, and I’m like, “Get a room, people!” But then, the guy pulls out a ring. No joke! He’s proposing right there in the rain. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Is this real life?” She says yes, and suddenly, everyone’s cheering. It’s like a rom-com moment in the middle of my chaotic day.

Hear how workers felt about news of the Chillicothe paper mill closing