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Fun fact—didja know way back, like 1800s, prostitutes had secret signals? Handkerchief colors—red for “I’m open,” yellow for “busy.” Imagine that today—swipin’ left with a hanky! Hah! I’m picturin’ Homer wavin’ a donut instead—dumbass’d get arrested. Made me giggle, tho—happy thought!

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up .

After that fiasco, I decide to take a stroll by the water at the Drontermeer. It’s beautiful there, man. The sun glistening off the water, ducks quacking like they own the place. I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my day, and they’re making it a soap opera. I can’t help but eavesdrop. Turns out, they’re fighting over who left the lights on. Classic, right?

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