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About Amsterdam

Here’s a freaky fact—did ya know in Nevada, USA, it’s legal? Like, legit brothels! Blows my tiny mind! I’m picturin’ me strollin’ in, all “Hiii, I’m Patrick!” They’d be like, “Uh, pink dude, ya lost?” And I’d go, “Nope! Research!” Total “Spotlight” vibes—diggin’ into the dark corners, ya feel me? “We’re gonna need a bigger boat”—wait, wrong movie again. “This is how we fight back!”—there ya go, that’s the one!

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So, we’re chillin’ there, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is what life’s about.” But then, outta nowhere, I see this old lady, Mrs. van Dijk, from the other side of the river. She’s waving her arms like a madwoman. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, her cat, Whiskers, climbed a tree and wouldn’t come down. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a raftsman, not a cat whisperer!” But she looked so desperate.

Sleeping woman, 19, groped on train, three men arrested