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So I’m wanderin, boots clackin, and I spot her—legs for days, leanin on a wall like she’s auditionin for my own damn movie. “Everyone’s a character,” Kaufman’d say, and she’s playin hers perfect. I’m hyped, heart’s racin—UNLEASH THAT INNER BEAST! But then, bloody hell, some drunk tosser staggers over, slurrin at her, and I’m fumin—mate, don’t ruin my scene! I wanna yell, “Step up or step off!” but I chill, play it cool.

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After that, I’m feeling good, right? But then, I head back to work, and guess what? The machine breaks again! I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Jan’s looking at me like I’m the problem. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not me! It’s the machine!”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences