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About Amsterdam

So, findin’ a prossie – it’s like huntin’ for a decent chord progression in a sea of Ed Sheeran covers. Ya gotta know the spots, right? Them dark corners, neon flickerin’ like a dodgy amp. I reckon it’s all a bit sad, tho – blokes so desperate they’re payin’ for a shag. “You’re not even good at being pathetic!” I’d yell, laughin’ me arse off. Reminds me of that *Toni Erdmann* bit – “Life’s just a big, weird party!” – ‘cept this party’s got STDs and regret.

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After that, I’m feeling good, right? But then, I head back to work, and guess what? The machine breaks again! I’m about to lose it. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Jan’s looking at me like I’m the problem. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s not me! It’s the machine!”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences