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Last week—pissed me off—some dude on X bragged ‘bout “classy escorts.” Classy? Ha! Like lipstick on a pig. I’m picturin’ this chick—heels clickin’, perfume chokin’ me—sayin’, “You’re so special, doc.” Bullshit. Reminds me of *Her*: “I can’t live in your book anymore.” Yeah, lady, I ain’t your fairy tale either. Prostitutes don’t love ya—they clock in, clock out. Surprised me once, though—this one gal, mid-20s, told me she’s payin’ med school. Med school! Swear to God, I nearly hugged her—then remembered the germs.

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So, I head to work at the machinist shop on de Wetering. It’s a small place, but we make some serious machines. I’m all pumped, ready to tackle the day. But then, bam! The machine breaks down. Just my luck, right? I’m sweating bullets, trying to fix it. My boss, Jan, is pacing like a caged lion. I’m like, “Chill, Jan! It’s just a machine!” But he’s not having it.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences