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So anyway, I’m diggin’ deeper—web’s full of crap, X is worse. Found this one post, guy’s braggin’ ‘bout his “date,” links to some sketchy site. Clicked it—boom, virus! My laptop’s screamin’ like Kenny when he dies! Pissed me off so bad I yelled, “You can’t trick Eric Cartman, you bastards!” Took me an hour to fix that shit. Lesson? Don’t trust everythin’ you see—half these “girls” are bots or dudes named Steve. True story, my cousin saw one once—biggest surprise of his life, hairy legs and all!

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First off, I spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Like, come on! It’s a Monday, I need all the luck I can get. I rushed out the door, late as usual, and hopped on my bike. You know, the one with the squeaky wheel? Yeah, that one. I pedaled down de Brink, dodging potholes like I’m in some kind of obstacle course.

Indiana Univ. hires Erwin van Bennekom as women’s soccer coach