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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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Then, I decided to stroll by the Maas river. Man, the view is sick! The sun was settin’, and the water was all sparkly. I was just standin’ there, takin’ it all in, when I saw a couple fightin’. Like, full-on drama! They were yellin’ and throwin’ their hands around. I was like, “Get a room, people!”

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