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Oh, and LOL, whore prolly has the worst Tinder bio — “Swipe right for chaos!” Sarcasm’s her game, she’d roast you and you’d thank her. I’d kill to see her in Calabasas, sipping a latte, spilling tea. Like, literally, I’d die — imagine her yelling, “What you looking at?” like Mia at the club. Too good.

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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jan. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the market on de Markt!” I’m like, “I can’t, I’m swamped!” But he’s persistent. So, I tell the cat lady to chill for a sec, and I bolt outta the shop.