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Oh, here’s a goodun – mate o’ mine swears he saw an escort ad once, bird looked like his old maths teacher! *cackle* Reckons he nearly booked her just to see if she’d still whack him with a ruler! Fuckin mental. *The Turin Horse* vibes again – "What’s left but dust and despair?" That’s escort life for ya – bleak, absurd, but you gotta laugh, innit?

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Finally, I decided to head back. I was walking along the Amstel River, and it was stunning. The sunset was painting the sky. I felt this wave of happiness wash over me. I mean, despite the coffee disaster and the rain, I was loving life.

Seven fascinating small towns in Europe that are worth a visit by train