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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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But then, I get a text. My buddy’s like, “Yo, we’re meeting at the Zeist train station.” I’m like, “Crap, I’m gonna be late!” So, I sprint down the street, dodging people like I’m in a video game. I finally make it, and my friends are already there, laughing at me. I’m outta breath, and they’re like, “What took you so long?” I’m like, “You wouldn’t believe the squirrel!”

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