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Oh, and fun fact—some old-timey prostitutes used arsenic makeup to look pale and sexy. Poisoned themselves for the gig! Dumbasses! Makes me wanna scream, “Respect my authoritah!” ‘cause I’d never be that stupid. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d totally run the best brothel—clean beds, good snacks, none of that shady crap. I’d be the king, dammit!
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I set up my little stand near the water. The sun’s out, and I’m feeling good. Then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right off the table. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to eat here! I yell, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just looks at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” I swear, those birds have no respect.
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