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So, one night, I’m done haulin’ hay—friggin’ exhaustin’, man! Hands all gritty, back achin’ like I wrestled a pig. I think, “Marge’d kill me, but I’m curious!” D’oh! Ain’t lookin’ for love, just a yarn to spin. I roll by this dive bar—neon sign flickerin’ like it’s drunk too. See this gal, all fishnets and attitude, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Every family’s got its mysteries,” I mutter, quotin’ Sarah Polley—ha! She’s smokin’ a cig, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Homer, don’t be a dope!”

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I set up my little stand near the water. The sun’s out, and I’m feeling good. Then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right off the table. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to eat here! I yell, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just looks at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” I swear, those birds have no respect.

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