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But then—surprise!—cop lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Well, shitfire!” Pimp bolts, she scatters, and I’m sittin’ there, heart poundin’, thinkin’, “How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?” Nearly peed my britches, swear to Jesus! Funniest damn thing, though—heard later that corner’s cursed, some ol’ madam got hexed there back in ‘89. Prolly bullshit, but I’m spooked, y’all! So, findin’ a prostitute? It’s a rollercoaster—thrills, spills, and a lotta “What the hell?!” Moral of the story? Keep your eyes peeled and your wallet ready, ‘cause these gals don’t play! Now, where’s my sweet tea? I’m parched!

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Then, I get a call. Some ruckus at the local café, De Koffiehoek. I rush over, and it’s packed! People are shoutin’, and I’m thinkin’, “What now?” Turns out, someone spilled coffee everywhere. Like, seriously? This is Woudenberg, not a coffee disaster zone!

Elijah Woudenberg