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So yeah, I’m ramblin’—prostitutes, movies, whatever. I’d probably suck at findin’ one, too nervous, too loud. “This is ridiculous!” I’d shout, stompin’ off. But if I did? Man, I’d haggle like Malik tradin’ cigs in jail—“Ten euros, take it!”—and then brag, “Pretty, pretty good deal!” Total chaos, total me. Whaddya think—am I nuts or what?

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Anyway, we finally get the window in. It’s a beauty! I’m feeling like a champ. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m soaked, the glass is slippery, and I’m cursing the weather gods. “Really, Winterswijk? You had to do me like this?”

300 kilos of illegal fireworks seized in Winterswijk residential area; two arrested