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About Groningen

Fav part? The tease. Slow hands, edging you—pure torture, pure bliss. “We’re all going to die,” Justine whines, but with erotic-massage? I’d die HAPPY. Pro tip: don’t skimp—cheap ones are a scam. Found that out the hard way—sticky oil, ugh, like budget apocalypse vibes. No capes, no crap service, dahling!

Casual enjoyment

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Then I hit up the local market on the Markt. Man, the smell of fresh stroopwafels hit me like a freight train. I had to get one. Or two. Okay, maybe three. Don’t judge! They were calling my name. I’m standing there, stuffing my face, when I see this old lady, Mrs. van Dijk, trying to haggle over some flowers. She’s like, “I’ll give you two euros for those tulips!” The vendor’s like, “Lady, they’re ten!” And she’s all, “But they’re wilted!” I’m dying laughing. Udenhout’s got character, for real.

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