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Sometimes she’s fun - cracks jokes, calls me “barkeep” like we’re pals. Other nights, she’s sloppy, cryin’ in the corner, mascara runnin’. “There’s no escaping this,” she’d mutter, straight outta von Trier’s script. Breaks my heart a lil, but don’t tell her - she’d rob me blind while I’m huggin’ her. “Don’t pee on my leg, lady, I see your game!”

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I’m a furrier, right? Yeah, I know, kinda old-school, but hey, someone’s gotta keep the fur game alive! Anyway, I woke up in Steenwijk, that cozy little town in the Netherlands. You know, the one with the canals and all those cute brick houses? Yeah, that’s the spot.

Herman Brinkman of Tuk