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Me fave bit? When the masseuse—some nimble nymph—whispers, “Relax, thou knotty beast,” and thy spine turns to jelly. Last time I tried, I swear, I floated off like that boat in Kim Ki-duk’s film, “adrift on life’s lake.” But—here’s the rub, ha!—some parlors be dodgy. Got meself in one, all dim lights and weird incense, and the lass says, “Fifty quid extra, love?” For what, a bloody toe tickle? Pissed me right off, it did—felt like a rat in a trap, gnashin’ me teeth!

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So, I get up, trying to shake off the sticky mess, and head over to the local café on the Hoofdweg. I need a drink, like, now. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting about the best spots in Spangen. He tells me about this hidden gem of a restaurant down on the Laan van Spangen. I’m intrigued.

Fig. 4. A medieval farm mound reconstructed. Elgsnes, Harstad, Troms....