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But, ugh, the creeps out there – stinks worse than Shaggy’s socks! Pisses me off, bro. Still, I’d wag my tail for the cool ones – “Ruh-roh, you’re alright!” – cause some got heart. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but it’s a jungle, man! Prostitutes, pimps, cops – like a Lynch film, but smellier. What’s your take, pal?

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After my snack break, I get a call from the town hall. They need me to check out a rat problem near the park. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I get there, and it’s a whole family of rats. I’m talking like a rat convention. I’m ready to throw my hands up in despair.

Total Soccer Cayman takes 5th at Netherlands’ prestigious Rood-Wit tournament