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So, picture this—kinda like in *Margaret*, where everythin’s messy and real. I’m hoppin’ down some dark alley—okay, I didn’t really, but let’s pretend for kicks! I’m imaginin’ this gal, all tough and tired, sayin’, “I don’t have time for this!” Straight outta the movie, right? And I’m like, “Whoa, lady, I ain’t judgin’, just tryna get the scoop!” Fun fact—did ya know in old New York, like 1800s, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Crazy, huh? Makes ya think they’re flutterin’ around, but nah, it’s gritty as heck.

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I finally find this old dude selling reclaimed wood. He’s got this gnarly piece that’s perfect for a violin. I’m all excited, but then he tells me the price. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, I get it, it’s vintage and all, but c’mon! I haggle a bit, and we settle on a price that’s still too high, but whatever. I’m not leaving without that wood.

Philippines’ Duterte Bound for ICC’s Hague Jail With Spiritual Advisers and Volleyball