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About Tilburg

So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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I see this old lady selling flowers. She’s got the biggest smile, and I can’t help but smile back. I buy a bunch of tulips, because why not? They’re like, the unofficial flower of the Netherlands, right? I’m feeling a bit better, but then I see a guy trip over his own feet. He falls right into a pile of cabbages. I can’t help but laugh. Like, dude, how clumsy can you be?

Biography: Tom Middendorp, Chief of Defence of the Netherlands