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So, I tried it once—Hinge, I think. Bio said “looking for fun,” and this dude messages me, “u up?” at 2 a.m. Like, bro, I’m not a booty-call vending machine! Made me so mad I nearly threw my phone. But then, get this—little known fact—back in the ‘90s, people used newspaper ads for this crap! “SWF seeks SWM”—same game, less nudes. Wild, right? History’s just horny on repeat.

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So yeah, I head home, tired but happy. I’ve had my ups and downs, but that’s life, right? Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. Maybe I’ll avoid the cobblestones. Or not. Who knows?