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So, I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, yeah? That flick—Jim Jarmusch, 2013—vamps chillin’, sippin’ blood, cool as hell. Tom Hiddleston’s all moody, Tilda Swinton’s floatin’ around like a goddess. And I’m thinkin’, prostitutes in that world? They’d be, like, “We are going to survive,” while some john’s tryna haggle. Classy, undead vibe—none of this street-corner crap. Me? I’d be rantin’ at ‘em, “You’re ruinin’ my aesthetic, pal!” Neurotic? You bet—can’t stand the chaos!

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After the dog drama, we head inside. I’m thinking, “Finally, some peace.” But nope! The youngest, little Timmy, spills juice all over the carpet. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I mean, who even spills juice? It’s like a crime against humanity! So, I’m scrubbing the carpet, and the kids are just laughing at me. I’m like, “You little monsters!”

Princess Anne pays tribute to Battle of Arnhem troops on 80th anniversary of famed Second World War operation