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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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After what feels like an eternity, I finally get the beast running again. I’m back on the road, feeling like a champ. But then, I hit the Ommoordseweg, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Traffic everywhere! I’m stuck behind this old lady driving 20 km/h. I’m losing my mind. I mean, c’mon! I could walk faster than this! I’m yelling at my windshield, “Let’s go, grandma!” But she’s just cruising along, probably reminiscing about the good ol’ days.

Lotte Stam-Beese, urban planner of the Bauhaus