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Anyway, brah, if ya snag one, treat it right. Crank some tunes, feel the vibe – “This is who I am!” – and own it. Me? I’d rock that Escort like I rock the screen – loud, proud, and leavin’ ‘em shook! What ya think, huh? Smell that nostalgia cookin’?

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While I’m tryin’ to figure it out, this old lady walks by. She’s got a dog that looks like it’s seen some stuff. She stops, looks at me, and says, “You know, my husband used to fix tractors.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, that’s great, but where is he now?” Turns out, he’s in the hospital. I felt bad, but also kinda annoyed. Like, I didn’t ask for a life story, just help me with my tractor!

David Hockney’s “The Road”