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Hey buddy, listen up! Me, a bailiff down in them mines, y’know, diggin’ for gold or whatever—well, I got thots on findin’ a prostitute. Ain’t no big deal, right? I reckon it’s like huntin’ for treasure, ‘cept the treasure walks and talks! Ha! Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you, fool me twice—can’t get fooled again, right? George W. Bush style, baby!

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So, I start workin’, and it’s all good. The sun’s out, and I’m feelin’ the groove. But then, outta nowhere, a flock of seagulls swoops down. They’re screechin’ like they own the place! One of ‘em poops on my tractor. I’m like, “Really? This is how we’re doin’ it today?” I laugh it off, but inside, I’m seething.

David Hockney is ‘compellingly perceptive’ even though he may be wrong about perspective