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You could hit the web, sure. X’s got posts—shady dudes droppin’ hints, “DM for fun.” But it’s a crapshoot, half’s fake, half’s cops. Makes me wanna smash my phone. Or there’s the old-school way—cruise the strip, spot the lingerers. They’re out there, leanin’ on poles, smokin’ like they own the night. Reminds me of that line, “This is the girl.” Yeah, which one, genius? They all got that lost look, like Betty in the movie—fake smiles, dead eyes. Hate that crap, makes my skin crawl.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Meppel.

So, I’m wandering down the canals, right? And it’s beautiful. The water’s glistening, the boats are bobbing. I’m feeling all zen until I see this family feeding the ducks. And these ducks? They’re like, “Feed me, human!” I’m cracking up. Like, who knew ducks could be so demanding?

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