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Oh, and the oils – don’t get me started! Slippery as a politician’s promise, stinking of lavender or some hippy crap. Last time I got dragged into one – mate’s stag do, total stitch-up – I’m sliding off the table, yelling, “This ain’t sensual, it’s a bloody oil slick!” Still, that line from the flick, “Love needs care,” pops in me head. Maybe that’s it – sexual-massage done right’s meant to feel like someone gives a toss. Dunno, I’m too cynical for that malarky.

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Then, around noon, I get a surprise visit from my buddy, Jan. He’s got this wild idea to take a bike ride along the Maas. I’m like, “Dude, I can’t just leave the bakery!” But he’s persistent. So, I lock up, and off we go. Riding through the city, it’s beautiful! The old buildings, the cobblestone streets, and the view of the Sint Servaasbrug? Just wow.

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