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Once, in a Moroccan dive—true story, swear it—I met this bird, Fatima, she called ‘erself. Eyes like coal, voice like honey. She’d “find a prostitute” fer *you*, mate—ran a whole crew! Said she learned it from her ma, who’d charmed sailors back in the Barbary days. Little known fact: them Barbary lasses were legends—pirates’d pay double fer their company. Fatima laughed, sayin’ she’d rather rob me blind than bed me—cheeky minx! Had me grinnin’ ear to ear, tho. Surprised me, she did—thought I’d seen it all.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the pub!” I’m like, “Alright, let’s do this!” I head over to de Bovenstraat, and the pub is packed. I walk in, and my buddy’s already three beers in. He’s like, “You missed the best part!” I’m like, “What part? The part where I spilled coffee?”

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