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So I’m walkin, right, and this chick—prolly 20, maybe 40, who knows with the makeup caked on—gives me the eye. I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t buyin what you’re sellin less I know the deal.” She smirks, all sassy, and I’m thinkin, *damn, this is some real-life cinema*. Godard’s voice in my head: “The image is a prison.” Ain’t that the truth? She’s trapped, I’m trapped, we’re all stuck starin at each other like idiots. I ask her name—Crystal, she says. Yeah, sure, “Crystal”—prolly Susan from Ohio, but whatever, I roll with it.

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Finally, I get to the site. It’s a small house, but the lady, oh man, she’s a piece of work. She’s all like, “I need this done yesterday!” Lady, chill! I’m not a magician! So, I start measuring the windows, and guess what? I realize I forgot my favorite tool. The one I call “The Glass Whisperer.” Ugh! I could’ve screamed.

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