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Been on those apps, Clarice—Grindr, Tinder, whatever. Folks out there huntin, desperate, like wolves with Wi-Fi. Little known fact: back in ’09, Grindr kicked off this whole geo-sex thing—changed the game, man. Suddenly, you’re screwin someone two blocks away. Wild! I’ve seen dudes lie bout their height, chicks ghost mid-convo—pisses me off. “You lack the originality,” I’d hiss, quotin Shame, if I could. But nah, I just swipe again.

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We head over, and it’s packed. I mean, people everywhere. I’m trying to navigate through the crowd, and I’m getting all claustrophobic. I’m like, “Why are there so many people? Is this a museum or a concert?” Finally, we get to the exhibit, and it’s mind-blowing. The art is all about the history of Heemskerk, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in.

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