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Oh, and get this – funny bit – her pimp’s this geezer, looks like a bleedin’ walrus, mustache and all! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’, “This cat’s a right muppet!” Nearly blew the deal laughin’, but I kept it cool, yeah. In me head, I’m like, “Austin, you’re a legend, shaggin’ through time!” Wrapped it up quick, no faff, just fun – “It’s all in the past now,” like the movie says, and I’m off, smilin’.

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Later, we hit up the local market on the Markt. It’s packed! Fresh veggies, flowers, and all that jazz. I spot this guy selling the biggest cheese wheels I’ve ever seen. I’m talking massive! I’m like, “How do you even carry that?” He just shrugs, and I’m thinking, “Groot-IJsselmonde really loves its cheese.”

Rotterdam homes worth under €355K can’t be rented out