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So, picture this—I tried it once, right? Some underground joint, total sus vibes. Masseuse rolls in, dim lights, oil slicker than a Hyperloop track. I’m like, “This gonna be next-level or what?” Starts off chill—muscles unclenchin, stress evaporatin faster than a Tesla in Ludicrous Mode. Then—BOOM—sensual switch flips! Hands dancin like they’re programmin an AI, hittin spots I didn’t know existed. I’m thinkin, “She’s hackin my nervous system, bruh!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, soul vibin. But then—anger spike! Price tag hit me like a Falcon 9 booster crash. 200 bucks? For 30 mins? Robbery in 4K!

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First off, I hit the streets around 9 AM. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Hey, maybe I’ll grab a coffee at that cute little café on de Veldstraat.” You know the one? The one with the weirdly shaped pastries? Yeah, that place. So I stroll in, and guess what? They’re outta coffee! Like, how do you run outta coffee in the morning? I was ready to throw a fit.

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